I am so engrossed in my work of making very fine jewelry that I think I may be missing out on some of life’s most basic pleasures. I already have a house, but I am all alone in it, save for frequent visits of friends and family alike. I do not worry about money anymore, with my jewelry business booming, I am stable enough as it is. It is just that I have that certain feeling that I am missing something in my life that has been worrying me lately.
No, I am not afraid of ghosts and that’s not what has been bothering me. Yes my house is big and pretty spacious, and I am the only one who lives in it, but it’s not that. It is just that I am afraid that I cannot see what I would become a few years down the road. I can’t see myself being with someone, perhaps making a family of my own, with my very own children to boot. I can’t see that and that makes me afraid.
Yes, I love my business and I am enjoying myself with all the work that comes with it. I am not contemplating of stopping it anytime soon, in fact I am planning on expanding it to something much more bigger in the near future. I don’t have any worries to think about besides that nagging feeling that there is something that’s been missing in my life, and it is keeping me wide awake most nights.
I will admit that I am feeling particularly lonely these days and would really love to have a chance to change that. How I wished to have children of my own and have all my problems come from them instead of coming from anywhere else. I would relish worrying over newborn diarrhea, constipation in newborn babies, incessant crying, and other baby problems, as long as I do have a baby that I can call my own.
But that apparently, is a thing that cannot be rushed, even when I am all for it, as I do not still have any husband to speak of. I have a non-existent love life and I am already growing as we speak. Maybe I have immersed myself too deep in my work that I didn’t notice that everything is slowly passing me by.
Is it my destiny to grow old by myself? I really hope not. I also can’t really believe that this is happening as I can still remember me thinking and wishing for a big family of my own back when I was still young. I like to live with many noisy and lively kids around me without any dull times in between.
It is my dream of having a large family but fate seems to want something else for me. Now here I am all by myself in a big house without anyone to share it with. I only hope it is not yet too late for me to fulfill my dreams. I will start doing something about it.